I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just forgot I was standing up.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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