i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
