Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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