well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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