dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
