you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
