i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
