positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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