i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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