It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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