Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
