He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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