Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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