I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
