eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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