her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
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