i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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