mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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