Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize