Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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