I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
