Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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