My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
