Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
