my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
