For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
