You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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