Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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