Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
