how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
