i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I want to be your penis for a week.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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