guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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