WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Barsexuality is the new black.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize