Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
pop tarts are not kleenex
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
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