Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
