just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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