I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
