How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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