I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
