Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
