I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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