So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
So squirting runs in the family.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
FUCK WHALES
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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