I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize