Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
