Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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