i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
