you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
