that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
