I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
