I've blown a few things in my day
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
