just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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