It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
