I swear she didn't look like that last week.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
