I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
