WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
