dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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