I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
