Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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