i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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