so that wasnt chicken after all
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
