Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
