Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
there is glitter all over my balls
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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