for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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