Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you traded sex for a burrito?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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