I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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