Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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