I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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