I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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