yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
