Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
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