Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
