U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
