What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
